One for the ladies
Seriously, if your squemish, dont read this. honestly.
oh, if youre clinging to a small little bit of attraction for me, also dont, this will seal the deal.
so, if you dont wanna make golden love, read on.
Ive been working out lately. No, honestly. i have about a half dozen fitness pages bookmarked, and have been trying (kinda) to get sexy.
but its all for naught.
cause im still gonna die someday. no amount of pushups i do (few) or the times i decide to go for a walk instead of sitting around looking for naked pictures of that chick who used to be Harriet the spy; is gonna save me from time's ticking clock. but that still wont stop me from feeling superior to fat people. cause i can see my penis. We hang out daily.
so, in an effort not to be a chunky-man, ive been on a fitness kick. Ive been eating slightly less terrible food, and drinking less beer and more red wine. ( well, more wine, at least. baby steps.) and tonight, i had a big honkin' salad. but it might have been the nail in the coffin in my health craze. see, i dont like waking up sore after "exercising" (which looks a lot like dancing in the mirror with heavy things in my hands while morrisey sings in the background. which MIGHT be the fruitiest thing ever)
that is one big strike for being healthy. also, my workout clothes are as follows: the same shoes i wear everyday, a pair of shorts that are much too short, and i look like frankenstein in an 70's sports movie. and whatever shirt i wore the day before.
but lastly, and most importantly, the diet. I have been strugling to cut down on my epic candy intake. its been tough, but ive got that under wraps. the other side of the coin is, however, eating GOOD things. Back to my big honkin salad. i felt so proud i only had one drink tonight, and spent the rest of it plowing through an epic plate of leafy greens. cause lets face it, my pipes do get clogged. but tonight, the levee broke. within ten minutes of eating the salad, the brown train was ready to leave the station. now, ive had some epic bowel battles, i spent an week in my dorm room eating nothing but easy mac. Literally, nothing else. Or, the time i was challenged to eat an increasing number of wild berries from a tree during lunches. bad times.
but this was something that caught me by surprise. how could something so healthy do something like this to me. after a lot of swearing and crying, the deed was done, and i now have evidence on why vegetarians are stupid.
honestly, pull your head out of your asses', hippies
oh, if youre clinging to a small little bit of attraction for me, also dont, this will seal the deal.
so, if you dont wanna make golden love, read on.
Ive been working out lately. No, honestly. i have about a half dozen fitness pages bookmarked, and have been trying (kinda) to get sexy.
but its all for naught.
cause im still gonna die someday. no amount of pushups i do (few) or the times i decide to go for a walk instead of sitting around looking for naked pictures of that chick who used to be Harriet the spy; is gonna save me from time's ticking clock. but that still wont stop me from feeling superior to fat people. cause i can see my penis. We hang out daily.
so, in an effort not to be a chunky-man, ive been on a fitness kick. Ive been eating slightly less terrible food, and drinking less beer and more red wine. ( well, more wine, at least. baby steps.) and tonight, i had a big honkin' salad. but it might have been the nail in the coffin in my health craze. see, i dont like waking up sore after "exercising" (which looks a lot like dancing in the mirror with heavy things in my hands while morrisey sings in the background. which MIGHT be the fruitiest thing ever)
that is one big strike for being healthy. also, my workout clothes are as follows: the same shoes i wear everyday, a pair of shorts that are much too short, and i look like frankenstein in an 70's sports movie. and whatever shirt i wore the day before.
but lastly, and most importantly, the diet. I have been strugling to cut down on my epic candy intake. its been tough, but ive got that under wraps. the other side of the coin is, however, eating GOOD things. Back to my big honkin salad. i felt so proud i only had one drink tonight, and spent the rest of it plowing through an epic plate of leafy greens. cause lets face it, my pipes do get clogged. but tonight, the levee broke. within ten minutes of eating the salad, the brown train was ready to leave the station. now, ive had some epic bowel battles, i spent an week in my dorm room eating nothing but easy mac. Literally, nothing else. Or, the time i was challenged to eat an increasing number of wild berries from a tree during lunches. bad times.
but this was something that caught me by surprise. how could something so healthy do something like this to me. after a lot of swearing and crying, the deed was done, and i now have evidence on why vegetarians are stupid.
honestly, pull your head out of your asses', hippies
posted by Steve at 10:24 PM
1 Comments:
Even after all that nasty talk of your brown train I still want to do you. Weird.
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