something new
ok, this one won't be long at all. nor entertaining. Nor punctuated correctly. Thats right, folks, I'm actually sober writing this, and dead fucking tired. These past few days have been the most soul-crushing, painful and stupid days on record. From working two 13 hour shifts starting very early in the morning, to various car trouble and being absolutely miserable-hungover ( never mix pot and wine) ive kinda had a rough week.
I will not disclose the results of my most recent date. Not because i didnt make out with a girl with tattoos for the first time, ever (I totally did, but shh) but because im a gentleman. I know, fucking A, steve, quit being a puss and brag. but....a simple google of my name would bring any suitors to this site, and...bam...another one goes down the tubes. But feel free to quiz me in person. I will go into creepy detail.
The only real news i have is actually terrifying to me. This might be the gayest thing I've ever done, and ive done some pretty sissy things before. Ask anyone, im sure they have a story about me dancing to donna summer, or blowing a homeless guy as a joke (his sign said "Anything will help") but this might just take the cake.
A little known fact: change saddens me, when i see something that isnt the way i remember it being, i get sentimental, and sometimes a bit teary-eyed. This can range from someone getting a new haircut, to mcdonalds for keeping on taking away and reintroducing the Mc Rib (Seriously, dont toy with me, One or the other, please)
So, that having been said, i give you the gayest thing ever (besides you. BAM!)
As i was driving by work, i pass by a billboard for Abercrombie and Fitch. This is at an intersection i pass by at least 5 times a week, and usually get caught at the light. This billboard is fairly stark, its black and white, and features the Abercrombie logo, and is fairly tasteful.
Oh, yeah, and theres a 25 foot tall shirtless man torso, with low-rise pants that expose just a smidgeon of male-model carpet. Now, today, as i was driving to work, theres a new billboard up. Its an attractive girl, in semi-undress. She is beautiful.
but, im in the car, sitting at the light, i look up and notice the sign has changed, and i cluck my tongue, and shake my head solemnly , as if a cherished elder relation had passed away all the sudden. And this threw me off for most of the day.
pretty gay, huh?
hang on
Im in a funk for most of my shift (hopefully unrelated to the billboard thing) until i recognize a song on the radio. Its vanessa carlton's " a thousand miles" now, i immediately get into it, singing in my slightly patronizing, ironic vocal style to amuse myself. but then i realize, "Holy shit, i know every word to this song, and im actually singing because i enjoy this song"
.....
ive got nothing more to add to that story. I think it stands well enough on its own.
Oh, and since thanksgiving is coming up, i am going to do my fabulous family thanksgiving joke. Its been a few years since ive done it, but thats perfect for something like this. At dinner, i propose a toast, and look around, and say "mom, dad, I'm gay"
This amuses me to no end. try it yourself. It works especially well with older, conservative relatives.
and im out of words.
I will not disclose the results of my most recent date. Not because i didnt make out with a girl with tattoos for the first time, ever (I totally did, but shh) but because im a gentleman. I know, fucking A, steve, quit being a puss and brag. but....a simple google of my name would bring any suitors to this site, and...bam...another one goes down the tubes. But feel free to quiz me in person. I will go into creepy detail.
The only real news i have is actually terrifying to me. This might be the gayest thing I've ever done, and ive done some pretty sissy things before. Ask anyone, im sure they have a story about me dancing to donna summer, or blowing a homeless guy as a joke (his sign said "Anything will help") but this might just take the cake.
A little known fact: change saddens me, when i see something that isnt the way i remember it being, i get sentimental, and sometimes a bit teary-eyed. This can range from someone getting a new haircut, to mcdonalds for keeping on taking away and reintroducing the Mc Rib (Seriously, dont toy with me, One or the other, please)
So, that having been said, i give you the gayest thing ever (besides you. BAM!)
As i was driving by work, i pass by a billboard for Abercrombie and Fitch. This is at an intersection i pass by at least 5 times a week, and usually get caught at the light. This billboard is fairly stark, its black and white, and features the Abercrombie logo, and is fairly tasteful.
Oh, yeah, and theres a 25 foot tall shirtless man torso, with low-rise pants that expose just a smidgeon of male-model carpet. Now, today, as i was driving to work, theres a new billboard up. Its an attractive girl, in semi-undress. She is beautiful.
but, im in the car, sitting at the light, i look up and notice the sign has changed, and i cluck my tongue, and shake my head solemnly , as if a cherished elder relation had passed away all the sudden. And this threw me off for most of the day.
pretty gay, huh?
hang on
Im in a funk for most of my shift (hopefully unrelated to the billboard thing) until i recognize a song on the radio. Its vanessa carlton's " a thousand miles" now, i immediately get into it, singing in my slightly patronizing, ironic vocal style to amuse myself. but then i realize, "Holy shit, i know every word to this song, and im actually singing because i enjoy this song"
.....
ive got nothing more to add to that story. I think it stands well enough on its own.
Oh, and since thanksgiving is coming up, i am going to do my fabulous family thanksgiving joke. Its been a few years since ive done it, but thats perfect for something like this. At dinner, i propose a toast, and look around, and say "mom, dad, I'm gay"
This amuses me to no end. try it yourself. It works especially well with older, conservative relatives.
and im out of words.
posted by Steve at 10:49 PM
3 Comments:
she has introduced me to people as her youngest daughter before
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