if i had a million dollars

I got to thinking the other day, Im gonna be filthy rich at one point in my life. Granted, not for long, cause im sure ill lose it marrying a stripper wife who is addicted to pills, and steals my money and runs back to her border town.
....But what about when i havent yet lost all my fortunes?
In the spirit of of the christmas season, I now give you my

Steven Q. Ballwhapper's Rich-Ass Christmas List

-The founding members of Metallica, and The first bassist's remains.
This is so much more baller than having autographed memorabilia at the house, which rich people have. I, instead, will purchase this speed-metal band's members on retainer, which is rich people-speak for "I own dem"
They will sit poolside, tanning all day, unless I desire rock. In which case, they will be summoned to rock me. to sleep. In my big hammock, which is suspended in the air right near my...

-"Hook"-themed treehouse living quarters
anyone that has seen this robin williams masterpiece will know exactly what i mean. The Lost Boy's treehouse village, perfectly re-created for my home. Rufio will be the butler on call.

-Personal use of an irish stripper. She will be 6'9, a lumber-jack's daughter, who, when stripping, purrs "Ooooh, I'm magically delicious"

-A moped
cause they're kinda cool, i guess.

Thats all for this year, dont want to get greedy. Until next time, Hopefully i will have made my millions by then. Probably not. Wish me luck.
and if there are any rich, elderly spinsters out there reading this, I will marry for money. I think you know who you are.

Peace and Grease;

S-p-b...