St. paddy's day

hey forks, long time
ive been all over the place lately, not really wanting to sit down and get anything done.
But in spite of all that, ive managed to do a few things.
I killed a pidgeon.
Im fairly sure i did this, i threw a lighter really hard at a roosting pidgeon trying to breed more flying vermin on my balcony. I thought i just winged him (or her, i dont know much about pidgeon birthing) but as it went to fly off, it like, flew crooked, and ran into a tree.
Before i get deluged with cruelty anti-advocates, i want it to be known these birds are filthy, defecating everywhere, making noise at all hours, and disease-ridden. ...and i have a strong hunch they broke up my parents marriage.
now, theres not body about, so its not a confirmed kill. but from now on, please refer to me as Steven O'Balpartrick.
I swear im irish.

Which doesnt bode well with my wussing out on tonights grand holiday.
see, heres the real story:
last night, i was coerced into getting an after work drink with coworkers, to practice for st paddys day. "One drink!" i said "i have to save some party for tommorow!"
Fucking guiness was on sale. Being the most Irish of my crowd, i was spotted two rounds immediately. Fuck. That meant i was on the line for buying 6 drinks when i should have gone home with just one drink-sized dent in my pocket. so, time passes, and ive seperated myself from my companions, talking sports (which i dont know anything about, proving alcohol makes you smarter) with some dude for about half an hour. checking the clock, i reform with my buddies, telling them its high time i hit the road.
"cmon, bro, we just got a new round, get a refresher, and 5 more minutes, thats all!"
ok, so i switch to lady-ade. I got a cider drink, and sang the songs that reminded me of the goodtimes, and stumbled home. Oh, no one decided to tell me, but this cider has nearly twice the alcohol that most beers have.
So, as i pour myself into my apartment, i grab a beer, and head for my room, stopping in the bathroom to pass water.
My fucking glasses fall in. Hundreds of other times in my life, ive done plenty hectic things, nothing. Glasses remained attached to my nose. But the one time that they shouldnt have split and landed in pee-water, and where do they go?
right into the drink.
Now i have a reason for having crappy vision.
Bam! it takes a tough man to laugh at himself.

Im famous! i was name-checked on the radio today. Except they didnt use my name. But i was mentioned
TO start, ive been in love with this band, Cloud cult for over a year. They rock, they roll, they can do anything. Im retarded about descriptions, but this band rocks me in a way that you cant. simple as that. Check them out. www.cloudcult.com www.myspace.com/cloudcult
and when i heard they were making a quick trip to tx/austin for Sxsw, i was thrilled. I had been trying to convince them to come to town for a while. I wasnt able to catch any of their shows earlier in the week, so i had to try to make their last show at some radio event in east austin. of course, when i show up, its in some skeezy neighborhood, at a house cleaned up to look like a studio. The first person i see i ask if this is where the show is, and it happens to be the wife of the lead singer. We chat for about half an hour, then she invites us in to the studio where theyre doing a live-web broadcast! I meet all the band, get ingratiated with the studio heads, and then the dj asks me some questions about the band. Then during the interview, they asked the band what accounted for them having fans that show up to unposted shows. when they post the link to their online concert, ill mention it. good band, nice people. go buy all their albums.

Never judge a book by its cover, thats what they always say.

But i completely wrote off a whole human being yesterday.

I was sitting in traffic, with no radio, already mad cause i have hate in my heart. or something. (ill explain that one later)

The car in front of me sped up, and as i closed the distance between us, a mauve car cuts in front of me, forcing me to slam on my brakes. i know, mauve!

it gets worse. person is on their cell phone, has a PINK support our troops ribbon-magnet, a pink FLOYD window decal, and worst off all, a counting crows bumper sticker. Now, i dont take stances against many things, but i HATE counting crows. Ive felt this way for years. The only people who like counting crows are homosexual Brynnes.

So needless to say, i fumed about this horrible person with such bad taste, and followed them to where they were going. Then i killed them with a snow shovel.

not really.

can you actually kill someone with kindness? if you squish them with a giant box of chocolates you give them. or, give them peanut m-and-m's when theyre allergic. Could work

...sorry for the crappy standup routine moment. In honor of Michael Richards beginning his tour again after the "debacle"

good for you, mike, dont let one little slip keep you from busting into doors and shouting "jerry!", and gesticulating wildly.

In a similar note, on the actual night of St. Patricks day, i was watching comic view on BET. A guilty pleasure of mine, which is only guilty, cause if i change the channel to it, it takes about 5 minutes to understand what is going on. But tonight, i was firing on all cylinders, i got every joke, from criticism on white people, to R.kelly, it was great.

However, i apparently have a lot of hate in my heart, cause hours after the show, i was walking around my apartment, repeating this one line that i found hilarious, which used a mean word. I wont put it in print, but call me anytime at all, and i will happily do my faithful impression of this routine. I do a good job.

Ok, ive gone on far long enough already. Ive got some hilariousness coming up, i swear.

in the mean time, i want you to do some reasearch for me. Find out why the i heart troops ribbon was pink.

FIrst person gets one of my early cartoons.

early on, my desire was to get printed in a local newspaper well-known for its lack of quality. This is my attempt to be crappy at drawing, while using a stupid play on words. I abandoned that dream, but now you can own an early attempt at me trying/failing.

Ive got some more in the works, they are dynamite, keep your eyes peeled

my, that was a lot of words!

-steve