safe and sound

ok, so i made it back from california. i dont even want to calculate the miles ive had to travel so far in 2007, but my travel times already rack up to be easily in the 50 hour mark. And now, at least, i can safely say that i've been everywhere, man.
I'd have pictures up already from the trip, but someone lazy with big nipples has yet to relay them to me yet. Some of these photos are very sleazy.
The reason:
When asked by my hosts what i wanted to see and do, i replied with various tourist-y destinations, none of which i got to see.
I also desired to drink deep from a goblet of earthly californian delights (e.g. make some poor california gutter slut rethink her life)
Since neither of my hosts new any Hoe-bags who would hop on my bird, we all decided to try a dating website to find a match. This worked. Well, if i were looking for a bunch of guys to screw. which im not. I swear.
The only acceptable offer i got demanded saucy photos of me, so i took several boudoir photos of myself, shirtless, with a beer and a guitar i was faking playing. Who could resist?
The state of california, apparently.
So, to speak poetically, my worm dangled on the hook without so much as a nibble. Nuts.

I was very down about california from the get-go, and i had trouble finding anything nice to say about it. I was forced to come up with a top 5 list of things that were cool about california. here they are, slightly altered.

5. I ran into a band i have seen several times in concert. They were walking around the beach stoned. This revives my faith in rock and roll.
4. california locals are more than willing to kick my ass at basketball.
I challenged a guy on venice beach to a game of one-on-one, and i got smoked, 11-to-1. My street rules were no match for his skill. dang
3. It snowed. In california. and it snowed. Suck a dick, al gore, you're dead wrong about this global warming crap.
2. In and out burger. So fine. Nuff said.
1. This one is weak and sappy, so skip it if youre diabetic.
My friends. They mean everything (gag) to me.

I had one more, but it wasn't as strong. The homeless people weren't as aggresive there. I never once was asked directly for any money by any one. And they're much funnier there too! I saw one guy eating straight out of a trash can. Classic!

Hopefully, there will be pictures here soon, there were some good ones, as well as video of me dancing in front of the giant dinosaur from pee-wees big adventure. Its pretty good. I went there, and told them large marge sent me. They were unaffected.

There will be more later

Promisefully;
steve